Yeah, I Couldn’t Resist

So NYC got 20 inches of snow. It happens almost every year. For some reason, the news has turned on Mayor Bloomberg for not handling the situation correctly. To his credit, he agreed. Most likely a political statement, but unnecessary in my opinion.

I mean come on, NYC is in the North East. And in case you don’t know, it gets cold here and snows. Since NYC is positioned by the ocean, the snow doesn’t come as often as in other parts of the U.S. But it does happen, every year since I’ve lived here.

If you have ever walked the streets of New York, you see cars parked everywhere. Imagine a snowplow getting through. They are large machines. Imagine clearing out 20 inches in a day. It just can’t happen.

He has been a great Mayor, and yet Bloomberg gets abused for his lack of response to the sudden snowstorm? And as an aside, we have been blessed by good Mayors for some time.

Also, I little known fact, snow melts. Yes, it does, maybe not as quickly in Norway, but yeah, it does melt. In just a day or two in New York, like it did this time.

So blame the Mayor? I don’t want this blog to be political so let me bring it all together for my own integrity. The word we love to use in the business is 360 marketing. Used to be “Integrated.” Before that, “The Whole Egg.” Whichever you choose as your silly reference to marketing, they all include PR (Public Relations). In this case, the news lambasted Mr. Bloomberg for not cleaning up snow (PR).

I have seen worse snowstorms here. I have walked down the barren streets when I thought nobody wanted to be outside. Ironically, I don’t believe it hurt business or affected the economy at all. I ended up in a restaurant, it was packed.

So Mayor Bloomberg, I give you credit for being the stand up man you are and dealing with an unrelenting News force, that only wants ratings.

And just to be clear, if it snows again, it probably will melt. I don’t think global warming is happening this year, if it was, I would have nothing to write about because there would be no snow in NYC.

Thank you for listening to my snow rant.

I Know I Said I Wasn’t Blogging This Week but…

I do have to pay homage to Neiman Marcus.

I bought several gifts from both the brick and mortar store and the online store. Amazing, the online store puts it right on the homepage, free shipping and how to get it. You don’t have to hunt around like you do with most online stores. Perfect.

I ventured into one of their family owned stores, Bergdorf’s in NYC. It is a must see store when visiting Manhattan. Everything is flawless. Blows the competition away like Barney’s and Saks (although the Holiday windows at Saks are impressive).

Something is happening at the corporate level where they have made all the right decisions, and I for one, really love that as a consumer. I would like to state that I have no affiliation with the store in any way and I don’t even know anyone that works there (except one exceptional salesperson).

And in the end, the advertising gets us into the store, but the actual in-store experience is what is etched into our minds. Forever.

In this competitive environment, I am amazed at how well they do. Haven’t seen their balance sheet, but I have seen the customer interaction first hand, and that is among the best of the best. And it must be hard to be a high-end store when the economy is just…bad.

So check out the after Christmas sales. Give ‘em a try. There is no way you will be disappointed in any part of the buying or receiving process. That is my advice to you. As you all know, I can be extremely (relentlessly) critical. But I have not one bad thing to say about Neiman Marcus.

So there you have it.

I Am Reposting This

Hi all!  This was one of my more popular posts of the last year, so I thought I might throw it back here front and center. This sparked much conversation and I received an overwhelming amount of emails about it! So for those of you that didn't read it the first time...

Where does an idea come from? Ideas, or creativity, come from the right side of the brain according to most, take a look at the classic book for art newbies Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain. So do creative people have bigger right brains? I doubt that. Maybe they can just tap into that side more often and more opportunistically than left-brain thinkers. But can the two be separated? I'll leave that up to the scientists.

But it is a known fact that the creative portion of our brains is on the right. So how do we tap into that? I have no idea, neither do the scientists. One thing that I do know is that once that access, that secret door, that maze of our minds leads us to a new thought, a new idea, a new…anything…we truly have a cathartic moment. We don’t usually recognize when it happens, it just happens.

I am going to take a second for a shameless plug for my partner, Savannah Gregory. She is an illustrator by heart, but got caught up in the advertising world. She does something that I feel is a lost art. She uses her brain with the assistance of a pencil and paper. She draws. Starting with only three tools – paper, pencil, brain. Only then does she use the computer and its various tools.

But in the digital age, these skills are rare, almost non-existent in the advertising business today. In my humble opinion, they are crucial. I learned Photoshop, Illustrator and InDesign myself. I can put real heads on fake bodies, I can retouch some flab on a celebrity, even airbrush some flab out – but I can’t create something. Since it is Fall, I will use a Fall analogy.  I can use Photoshop to make leaves blood red, slowly and aimlessly falling in crimson colors, vibrant yellow, partially dying reddish brown – but I can’t make the trees do it themselves. In other words, true creativity comes from nature, the nature of the trees, the nature of the brain.

So back to the idea. If you want to work in advertising in a design capacity, start with the three tools mentioned above. The computer is a wonderful sublime helper to enliven, make the impossible possible, make the real surreal (too bad Salvador was only on the cusp of the computer era, but still you can learn from him here).

Take a look as these illustrations (again shameless plug). They were all done starting with paper and pencil. If you are in the business now, go back and hone these skills. If you want to be in the business, start with the three simple tools. If you want your children to be creative, give 'em the tools.

I can’t say or write enough about how much creativity starts with a simple inspiration and the access to that brain door where someone is on the other side trying to slam it closed, and you the owner is shoulder to door breaking it down.

‘Twas the Day Before Christmas

Yep, it’s almost here, and most of you probably have the day off. Unfortunately, if you are like me, you have procrastinated and you will be rushing out with the mass of procrastinators, all in the same mood, hating for waiting till the last minute and ready to get into a good retailer fight about inventory that has been off the shelves for weeks.

So here are my instant gift suggestions for the lazy procrastinators out there. (These work for any holiday like birthdays, anniversaries, etc, so keep them on hand). Enjoy.

1.    The Fake Gift.

All you need is a printer. You make up a fake gift certificate for some action (incredibly nice one) that you will do. Be creative in the writing. For instance, “You work so hard each day, sometimes you need to play, and I want to see your face gleaming, so I bought you month of house cleaning.” Of course the ‘alleged’ cleaning will take place at some point in the spring and by that time, so many other issues will come up, it will be totally forgotten by most. It works well. And worst case, if you are called on it, then you have to follow through - but it saved you a lot of time in the end. You just need to buy a nice card to put the fake certificate into.

2.    The Surprise.

This is also written in a card. You say something like…Christmas is filled with so much confusion and so many presents, some needed and some useless. I wanted something you could remember. So sometime in the near future, your gift will be a total surprise out of nowhere, you won’t see it coming, but it is the ultimate gift I could think to give you to make this season really stand out for you.

3.    The Key.

This is a little more complicated. Good if you open presents in a group. You need to buy a small box that has a key. You hide the box. You put the key in a card with a note that says something like, ‘this is the key to your present, the present is too special for everyone else to see. Eventually, you will find the secret behind the key.’

So again, you’ve bought yourself some time. At some point, you have to buy a present, get the key and of course lock it up. But you have so much time to do that and the mystery is great.

4.    The Ultimate Date.

Perfect one. You need the card. Write in it that your gift is the ideal date of the person’s choosing, can be anything, totally their call. The great thing about this is that you don’t even have to plan it and they will probably pick something less extravagant then you would, were you trying to impress.

5.    You’ve been Kidded.

This is for the ones of you with no heart (potentially). You can adopt a child from another country, get any old google image, put it in a frame with a note: I adopted Shebinaina from Ubekinestina, one of the poorest and unknown parts of Africa. Thanks to you, she will be able to eat for the next year. Heart wrenching. Easy. I do suggest you do go through with it, several organizations can help you, but at least again, you bought some time.

6.    Music Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Simply do a google search for the top love songs of all times. Download about 15 or so that aren’t too sappy. Burn ‘em on a CD and there you have it! This works with those you may also have no idea of a gift for, obscure aunt, mother-in-law, etc., you just have to know the person’s approximate age, and then go to a list of greatest hits of the years when that person was a teen, then download your music. There you have it!

So avoid the stores this last day. Or if you wanna give that one extra little something to show how thoughtful you are, the above suggestions will do it!

Enjoy. Have a Merry Christmas, or whatever Holiday you celebrate this time of year! And let me know if any of these saved you at the last minute. Would love to know I helped out my readers!

Too Much Stuff!

It is estimated that there have been over 500,000 million apps downloaded for the iPhone, not to mention the ones never released or in development. Now according to Apple, over 51 million iPhones have been sold. Do the math. And that is just the iPhone. And considering such bizarre and questionable apps such as iFart, Annoy-a-Teen, Cat Photo Clock Light, iBlackout … you got to wonder, do we really need all this stuff? According to reports, iFart sold about a million.

We used to be inundated with advertising. Now we are in a deluge of apps. Some helpful, most just time wasting and useless.

So where do we go from here? What is the next ‘thing?’ Four Square, twat, twit, flogger, B-gonner? Can’t we just get back to basics and give us simple, useful content? After all, isn’t that is what the web is for? Searching for content (which Google knew well before we all did) that is relevant to what we want is the norm I think. Am I wrong? Or should I just write an new app to make a quick buck?

You tell me. (And I refuse to link to these inane apps in the iTunes store).

Sex, Sex Sex

It seems, as we have all learned, sex does in fact sell. That is why it is so refreshing to see an ad with some good ol' fashion violence. If you haven't seen it, this is really funny. Sorry for the quality, but you will get the point...



Thank you Sprint for not going the default route of sex! Enjoy!

SNL Still Has It!

As we all know, the writing on Saturday Night Live has been hit or miss over the years. There’s never been a shortage of talent, but sometimes what sounds good on a script doesn’t cut it on the stage.

But this fake Dirty Catheter Ad is hilarious. I didn’t even know that ‘cathing’ was a thing. And the greatest line, ‘I was afraid to talk to strangers, but these strangers quickly became my friends.





Funny and strange, right? Well, the really funny thing is that it isn’t a SNL fake spot. It is a REAL AD! I mean, where did they focus group test this one? Women's prison? County with the lowest IQ per capita? Narcotic's Annonymous? The company is Liberty Medical, and boy, it ranks up there among the weirdest of the weird.

Julian Assange Might Learn About Irony

If you aren’t a Gawker fan, you probably should be. But don’t stop reading or RSSing my blog, even though it's a great site.

Amazing to me from an advertising standpoint that wikileaks is something we all know about – hard not to, unless you live in a cave like Osama Bin Laden (but he does have the internet connection and does do a decent job of his ‘want the world to die’ message). But wikileaks didn’t even advertise. Talk about the ultimate in viral, word of mouth, media manipulation advertising.

But back to my main point. You must know Julian Assange by now. The alleged rapist turned “obscure ‘news’ reporter.” Well, Gawker did get him back. They have published a series of emails that he wrote to 19 year old ‘Elizabeth.’And you can see how totally crazy he is by reading this. How he got so many unpaid people to work for him, I will never know. But weirdo, nerd, hiding from the authorities Julian - Gawker has shown him a thing or two about releasing documents.

He just got released from British police today, so I hope he has an internet connection and can see first hand how weird he really is. Whether he is providing a ‘worthy’ service to the world – I will leave that up to the politicians and powers to decide. I personally, just think he is a creep, wanting attention.

Part 2: Conversation Between Bon Jovi and President Obama

After the first conversation, there was a follow up…

 

Bon Jovi: Hi Mr. President, this is Jon again.

Obama:  I don’t know anybody by that name.

Bon Jovi:  Jon Bon Jovi

Obama:  (silence)

Bon Jovi: White House Council for Community Solutions

Obama:  Oh, yeah. Hey Jon.

Bon Jovi:  I was wondering, do I get a special hat or something?

Obama:  Hat?

Bon Jovi:  Yeah. When Bono was made a knight, he got that shoulder tap thing with the sword, and I think a medal on a cool ribbon, and special wardrobe. I am kinda between looks right now anyway.

Obama:  Well, we don’t do that here.

Bon Jovi:  Not even the hat?

Obama:  No, I’m sorry.

Bon Jovi:  Am I Sir Bon Jovi now?

Obama:  Were you in the military, hold a high rank?

Bon Jovi:  No

Obama:  Well, I guess not then. I see those guys all around here, saluting and saying -  ‘Yes Sir. No Sir.’ But they have uniforms.

Bon Jovi:  Do I get a special ring, like winning the Super Bowl?

Obama:  No ring.

Bon Jovi: What did Katy Perry get?

Obama: Well, she did get a hat, and um, some other things.

Bon Jovi: She got a fu#%ing hat?

Obama: Well, just a beret thing.

Bon Jovi: Prince wore one of those. Why can’t I get one?

Obama: She did get some other stuff, but I can’t say. I could maybe arrange for a kilt for you.

Bon Jovi: I’m not gay.

Obama: Oh no, they are really cool. It could be your new look.

Bon Jovi: Did Katy Perry get one?

Obama: No. She just got the government assistance package. Just a small amount of money. Less than 30 million really.

Bon Jovi: Kilt huh. Sounds different. Think I did that once, can't remember. Could be my new look.

Obama: Totally awesome for you.

Bon Jovi: Please don’t talk like that Mr. President.

Obama: Dude, I’m just saying. You would rock that look.

Bon Jovi: I totally would. Can it say New Jersey on it? I am still living in the shadow of Bruce who thinks he owns this state. This new kilt thing could get me into the Hall of Fame. They turned me down the first time, remember?

Obama: I can help with that too. It’s in Buffalo, right?

Bon Jovi: Cleveland.

Obama: Oh, West Virginia. I’ve been there. Can get you in.

Bon Jovi: OK, thanks. When do I get the kilt?

Conversation Between Mr. Bon Jovi and President Obama

As you may have heard, with the White House having some PR problems these days, they needed some creative solutions. They turned to Jon Bon Jovi, a big supporter. I think this is how the real conversation went…

Obama:  Hey Jon, been smokin’ up a storm here, trying to figure out a solution to our PR problems.

Bon Jovi:  Well Mr. President, I have always been a supporter. But what can I do?

Obama:  Well, your music is great and I hear you are still pretty popular.

Bon Jovi:  Yeah, been lucky. What’s your favorite song I do?

Obama:  Well, um, that, um…”Come on Feel the Noise” was great.

Bon Jovi:  Mr. President, that wasn’t me.

Obama:  Oh, I know, just playing with you. My favorite is, “Like a Prayer”

Bon Jovi:  That was Madonna. I did “Livin’ on a Prayer.”

Obama:  Love Stinks?

Bon Jovi:  J. Geils.  Um, were you thinking “You give love a bad name?”

Obama:  Oh, yes, loved it! Got it piped through the big house’s audio system right now.

Bon Jovi:  I don’t hear anything.

Obama:  Well, for security, my office is set up a little different.

Bon Jovi:  So what can I do for you Mr. President?

Obama:  Well, like you, I am a creative guy. So I made up this Office of Community Solutions.

Bon Jovi:  Sounds…a little ambiguous.

Obama:  Well, had to have a government like name.

President Obama gave a big hat tip to kindness today, signing an Executive Order to create the first-ever White House Council for Community Solutions. According to a news release, the council will provide advice to the president on the best ways to mobilize citizens, non-profits, businesses and government to work more effectively together to solve specific community needs.  more…

Obama:  I need you to mobilize citizens, you know.

Bon Jovi:  Sounds like a job for the Police. Not the Roxanne, Police.

Obama: Oh, I loved that show. That Roxanne is a funny lady. But anyway, I want to appoint you as part of the council. I have 24 other people, but nobody really knows who they are.

Bon Jovi:  Like, Who, Who are you?

Obama:  Yes, exactly. And I thought you could bring in the young people.

Bon Jovi:  I’m 48.

Obama:  Katy Perry said no.

Bon Jovi:  Oh, I see. OK. Can you maybe plug my new CD in like a speech or something, one of those public address things?

Obama:  You’ve got it.

Bon Jovi:   Do you need autograph photos or anything for the live speeches, tours, or whatever you do?

Obama:  Naw, Katy Perry said yes to the autographs.

The Nation’s Fastest. Period.

That’s AT&T’s new tagline. Or at least one they are playing with in the NYC area. I feel so bad for all of you that don’t have AT&T, I mean, really sorry. Because my iPhone over the AT&T network is just so lightning fast. I can get to a website in about 5 minutes. And the coverage, well, let’s just say it must be at least 10% no matter where I go! And if I am right under a tower, my call usually goes through on the first try and with that tower proximity, the chances of the call being dropped, only 50%!

That’s why I feel so sorry for the rest of you. It must be like you are using a rotary phone and a dial-up connection. Imagine the speed and service I mention above. You could have that too! Just think about having less than half your calls dropped in the middle of a conversation. Wouldn’t that be amazing! Imagine getting an email in less than five tries. It’s almost like I have some futuristic device and network.

It’s like being in a new time travel machine that only has one button…present.

In case my sarcasm wasn’t clear, AT&T sucks, at least in New York.

Ten Things You Really Need to Know About Working at an Ad Agency

Advertising agencies are best described as magnets. There are always two opposing ends - always. (Did I say always? Yes, always, or if it better suits you, invariably, eternally, till blue in the face, till cows come home, till hell freezes over, or just always.) And you will instantly, sometimes unknowingly, be polarized to the attracting or repelling pole of that magnet.

And in this brief, condensed… concise, short, and succinct list, I will attempt to explain what many others have done, some annihilating the explanation, some overly, verbosely describing it, and others explaining it far more eloquently than I could hope to accomplish. So here it goes.

But wait, one little disclaimer. I won’t repeat this every time, there is no common ground, middle room. Just like the computer you are working on, made up of 1’s and 0’s, you are one or the other. Nothing else.

1. It will be the job you hate most or love most.

2. It will involve the people you will grow to love or hate the most.

3. One day will be like walking into heaven, the next day will be dancing around the worst hell your mind could ever imagine.

4. The people that pay the bills (your clients), are people you will either respect or abhor.

5. The work you do will inspire you beyond belief, or drive a knife through your very soul (if you can find that damn thing).

6. Your friends will ignore your irrepressible passion, or embrace your loathing.

7. Your mind will develop into a fortress, or a bowl of Cocoa Puffs.

8. You will ride on the subway or bus, or you will drive your 7 Series BMW.

9. Your heart and life will be an open book, or a Pandora’s box that you eternally wonder why you opened it.

10. You will create something, or you will create nothing.

But in the end, even though both sides of the magnet have the exact same attraction, I think you will probably end up on the positive side.

So it’s Monday. If you work in advertising, you are either smiling, or packing (and not a box reference, a postal reference).

Is Santa a Creepy Guy?

I always thought he was a pretty cool guy when I was a kid, and I never got the famed ‘coal in the stocking.’ He always brought me delightful presents -amazingly, the exact ones I wanted. Psychic, omnipresent, jolly, self-confident about his weight, crisp, clean uniform that only he can wear, happy elf-creatures making toys (how they can get all the brand names right, I will never know), a loving wife, loves milk and chocolate chip cookies – even asks for carrots to keep his reindeer happy. I mean, who wouldn’t like the guy?

But then there’s that warning song, let’s take a look.

 

You better watch out
You better not cry

My brother broke his arm falling out of a tree when he was six. He cried. I begged him to stop – I mean, that meant no presents – or more selfishly – that he would take all mine. Santa can’t cut a break for a broken arm?

Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town

I didn’t comprehend the pout thing in my early years, so that was a strange threat that I didn’t understand, but still, it was a warning not to be taken lightly.

He's making a list
And checking it twice

Gonna find out who's naughty and nice
Santa Claus is coming to town

Now Santa has been around for a while. Didn’t have the luxury of a MacBook Pro like me. That’s gotta be a long list. And if he can remember all the kids, addresses (no mapquest for Santa), toy requests - why does he need a list of names? And who is he to judge naughty or nice? And isn’t there an in between there? A little room to be both. You are lumped in with bullies and shoplifters, when you just didn’t do your homework a few times? How do you know how to get on the nice list?

He sees you when you’re sleeping
He knows when you're awake

Hey Santa, there are laws in most states about that. You can’t just look in my windows, that is my private time. And if I want to stay up and read a book with a flashlight under the covers, that’s my business.

And awake? Are you stalking me on the way to school? Following my habits? How do you do the list, check it twice, order the elves around, make sure the reindeer are well fed for their one night journey around the earth, and still keep an eye on me getting on the school bus? I am a little afraid of you now.

He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake!

Again with the judgment. Bad or good. There are some ambiguities there too, no? He is sounding a little bit God-like, although the robe and sandals wouldn’t work in the cold weather. And goodness sake? Isn’t that a little self-serving for goodness, and what does it actually mean and who defines ‘good?’ So many unanswered questions.

Santa Claus is coming to town
Santa Claus is coming to town

OK, now he just sounds like the KGB. You better watch out, he is coming to town? He is peeking in my windows and now I need to live by his self-proclaimed rules?

I think Santa should clean up his act a bit. I am disturbed that he is peering in my windows at night, rifling through my stuff and watching every move I make just to pass judgment on me.

Oh, Santa, can’t you just bring me the damn presents and stay away the other 364 days? Ok, if you want to get all math on me, technically, according to the Gregorian calendar there are 365.2425 days in a year, but let’s keep it simple.

Writer's Block Results

The results are in from my writer’s block post and poll. As I figured, you all have multiple personalities, not unlike me. It was a tie between the real question, and the totally sarcastic ‘around the block’ answer. The sarcastic one was there for humor, which many of you jumped on, and I do appreciate taking advantage of that trampoline opportunity. But surprisingly, not many of you voted that ‘writer’s block’ wasn’t a real issue.

Despite the sarcasm in my post, I do in fact believe it is a condition that happens to all of us that try to write consistently. It just happens, no explanation. It isn’t an excuse, it is a total lock-up of the mind. It does happen.

So thanks for voting and participating. And I won’t end with anything clever, ingenious, talented, quick-witted, smart, gifted, apt, or funny. I am inured to bow down to common sense.

Writer’s block…insists… I mean exists…naw, persists…nope, gets me pissed…no, that’s not it…I am trying to rhyme but can’t resist?... tis a consummation. Devoutly to be wished.

It's Your Body

I won’t tell you the place, cause it is kinda crazy but imagine this…

“We would like you to lease your body, a revolutionary way of advertising! You agree to wear temporary tattoos (logos) supplied by Advertisers.”

And no, I didn’t make it up. It’s a real thing.

Well, we have a few pros going here. For the potential medium (in advertising terms), it is great. You have the space and it costs you absolutely nothing (soul is not counted here). For the space, although limited by your physical size, you do have the ability to be creative based on your body type. And that doesn’t mean you have to have a ripped, smokin’ hot body. That is the beauty of it, open to everyone, the stranger the body type, the better!

A huge beer gut could attract either end of the advertiser spectrum, lose weight now - or beer or fried chicken. Imagine the (horror) attention you would draw when you ripped off that XXL ‘I’m with stupid’ T-shirt, to show off your tat that said, “This Belly Built by KFC.” Or an ad for a TV show, “Biggest Loser.”

I could go to the dark side here with a ripped female and say, “Doritos this way,” but I just couldn’t go there. I guess Pepsi already did kinda do that with one memorable Super Bowl spot.

So it made me think a little, which takes some effort when mired down in our current advertising muck. Maybe I should do a market test. Maybe seek out people to tattoo my blog address on their body. Creative places of course earn more money (just like traditional media costs). I do want to keep it somewhat clean, so let’s not get too crazy. Submit your ideas via posts or email.

If my test market works, you will see a major casting call on this blog. The possibilities are endless, so to speak. A few examples to get you thinking of the tats and the places…

McDonalds:  “I’m Lovin It” back tattoo pointed down ala Juicy.

Milk: “Got Milk?” Obvious placement.

Shampoo (any): “I did this using Walmart Generic Shampoo.” Placement, forehead. Brand: Any hair product.

Ironically, this is selling your body for money, but the prostitution laws clearly don’t cover this one. Nor will the lawmakers touch it. Can you imagine Nancy Pelosi with a “Bad Plastic Surgery Day?” tat on her forehead, and “Call 1-800 – 555-5555 and don’t let this happen to you.”

I think it will make me millions. Well, maybe not, better stick to my day job.

Of course the only negative aspect is if you get paid the premium to get a permanent tat, and the company changes its campaign, then you are doubly screwed. But they don’t change slogans or themes, right, that would be against the advertising continuity argument. Hmmm, let’s see (according to Wikipedia)…Pepsi…

• 1939–1950: "Twice as Much for a Nickel"
• 1950: "More Bounce to the Ounce"
• 1950–1957: "Any Weather is Pepsi Weather"
• 1957–1958: "Say Pepsi, Please"
• 1958–1961: "Be Sociable, Have a Pepsi"
• 1961-1963: "Now It's Pepsi for Those Who Think Young"
• 1963–1967: "Come Alive, You're in the Pepsi Generation"
• 1967–1969: "(Taste that beats the others cold) Pepsi Pours It On".
• 1969–1975: "You've Got a Lot to Live, and Pepsi's Got a Lot to Give"
• 1975–1977: "Have a Pepsi Day"
• 1977–1980: "Join the Pepsi People (Feeling Free)"
• 1980–1981: "Catch That Pepsi Spirit”
• 1981–1983: "Pepsi's got your taste for life"
• 1983: "It's cheaper than Coke!"
• 1983–1984: "Pepsi Now! Take the Challenge!"
• 1984–1991: "Pepsi. The Choice of a New Generation"
• 1984-1988: "Diet Pepsi. The Choice of a New Generation"
• 1988-1989: "Diet Pepsi. The Taste That's Generations Ahead"
• 1989-1990: "Diet Pepsi. The Right One"
• 1989-1992: "Diet Pepsi. The Taste That Beats Diet Coke"
• 1986–1987: "We've Got The Taste"
• 1987–1990: "Pepsi's Cool"
• 1990–1991: "You got the right one Baby UH HUH"
• 1991–1992: "Gotta Have It"/"Chill Out"
• 1992–1993: "Be Young, Have Fun, Drink Pepsi"
• 1993–1994: "Right Now"
• 1995: "Nothing Else is a Pepsi"
• 1995–1996: "Drink Pepsi. Get Stuff.”
• 1997–1998: "Generation Next"
• 1998–1999: "It's the cola"
• 1999–2000: "For Those Who Think Young
• 2003: "It's the Cola"/"Dare for More"
• 2006–2007: "Why You Doggin' Me"/"Taste the one that's forever young"
• 2007–2008: "More Happy"/"Taste the once that's forever young”
• 2008: "Pepsi Stuff"
• 2008: "Рepsi is #1"
• 2008–present: "Something For Everyone"
• 2009–present: "Refresh Everything"/"Every Generation Refreshes the World"
• 2010–present: "Every Pepsi Refreshes The World"

Gotta have a pretty large body to do all those red "X" marks and replace with the next slogan. More on the cola wars to come, I promise. But let’s see those tat ideas!

The Complexity of Simplicity

Two simple words. New. Improved.

You’ve heard it, seen it, hundreds of times - classic ad line. New and Improved. But yet, how? The basic, core definitions — without getting too much into the various forms and alternate definitions — that we all assume are…

  

New: of recent origin, production, purchase, etc.; having but lately of recent origin, production, purchase, etc.

Improve: to bring into a more desirable or excellent condition.

How can one thing be both? Yet we have accepted this description to buy many products over the years. But isn’t it inherently just wrong? I would argue if something is new, by definition, it can’t be improved, because, well, it is just a ‘new’ thing. If something is improved, you have taken the old thing and made it better. Right? Am I missing something here?

Let’s take my blog here as an example. At one time it was simply new. It will never be that thing again. I am constantly trying to improve it, for you, my faithful and ‘new’ readers, and to some of you, it will be new to you, but as a thing, it was only new once. You can only be new once. You can be different, or you can copy a product and for you (or your company) it will truly be new. But again, the newness becomes old at the exact moment it is new. And you can’t improve that new thing, you can only make it different.

Now I agree, New and Different isn’t very catchy or attractive. “New’ is just a little boring by itself. ‘Improved,’ well that just doesn’t say enough now, does it? So someone in the Mad Men era put the two together, and now it is a default brand positioning statement for many brands. Ludicrous in a way if you really think about it.

So I plead with all of you advertisers out there, don’t assume as consumers we are all that naïve or just plain stupid.

I am aware that others have recognized this common, misleading idea. So my thoughts here aren’t original or new, but they are the thoughts I bring you today.

Please keep reading my blog, for it will be improved as we go, but it will never truly be new again. And it truly and impossibly will never be, ‘New and Improved!’

All about the Mes

OK, I have writer’s block. Oh no, please don’t feel sorry for me. It’s a real condition according to several psychologists. How they can write about writer’s block is a little tough for me to comprehend. Isn’t that like telling someone who knows how to ride a bike that sometimes they can’t, yet you can’t actually tell them that because you aren’t able to, regardless of whether they can still get on the bike and just ride away? I admit, a little bit of a confusing analogy, but after all, I do have ‘writer’s block.’

So forgive my lack of words. I guess technically, by definition alone, nothing written above or below this actually exists due to my condition. I guess I am channeling deep into my schizophrenia to even be able to type right now. And quite frankly, ‘Me number 2’ kinda scares me sometimes. So I guess I am writing as Me number 2, so please, don’t pay attention. Me number 1 is quite interesting at times, but I don’t understand him much. And when he gets writer’s block, well, he doesn’t communicate much at all.

Now Me 3, he is the real entertainer. Can write, can sing, dance, play guitar, piano, harmonica, and also keep astounding beat on a fairly mean drum machine. That of course, is if Me 1 and 2 just let him be. But after all, none of us know each other, so I guess it really doesn’t matter all that much.

As Me 2, I too, am afraid to write. (Try and work the three twos into one nine word sentence like that!) Which does make things even more confusing, that is if you are keeping up with one of me.

But come on, is ‘writer’s block’ really real? Arguably, if you can speak, you can write it down. So if asked to explain your writer’s block in written words, by definition, it would be impossible, right? You could only explain it, and if the person you were explaining it to were, let’s say be deaf, you would have to write it out for them. Wouldn’t that be an instant cure? Is there such a thing as ‘speaker’s block?’  My guess is no. But wouldn't that be a dream come true if it became an epidemic in the Washington DC area?

Alas, I digress. I am here to argue that there is no such thing as this so called 'writer's block.' It is an oxymoron of sorts. I am sure many would disagree with this assessment. And that is fair, if you do, please write to me and explain it. Oh sorry, you couldn’t do that I guess.

Writing is one of the three fundamental ‘R’s’ of our education right? Well, I guess they didn’t get that right either (Reading, Writing, Arithmetic). That would be RWA one would think. But not that catchy like OCD or ADD, so I guess they just went with the bastardized alliteration.

So I am trying to explain the three mes, although there is no plural of me, that word is we. But how can mes be we if there is only one me? Are you confused yet? I better let Me 1 finish this. (Apparently, he is suddenly cured).

Me 1 here. I think writer’s block is simply procrastination. Don’t get all Psycho on me and try to explain it, it really just is. And boy, it is a great excuse, cause by definition, you don’t really have to explain it now, do you?

According to the really smart people out there, writer’s block is real. So USE IT! Next time you have to write anything, just simply go with writer’s block. Tons of articles you can Google about it. And you can’t get fired for it, cause after all, it is a real condition.

When your next deadline is approaching,  and you just don’t want to do what you have to do, simply use the writer’s block excuse. You can’t be fired for it, or you would have a nice, juicy lawsuit on your hands.

I’m sorry, gotta run. Me 2 and 3 are really fighting inside my head, and someone has to send them a memo or something. Sucks for Me 1, given my condition and all.

And quite frankly, I just can’t think of anything else to write.

Copying is Just a Bad Idea

I once had this client, they thought they were going to revolutionize an industry. It was actually just one Marketing Manager trying to push through an idea. But in reality the idea was just replicating what other industries had already done. Sure it works sometimes, if your idea is one step above, improved, better somehow.

But not this one. Just a straight rip off. This was a major corporation and just one person pushing through an idea. A bad idea. I know everyone internally (as well as those of us at the agency) knew it was a bad idea. Still, this one person had the power to push it through. Millions and millions of dollars in product R & D, no consumer market research, just an industry hack, pushing, selling, talking the idea up the chain of command.

In the end, the product was a complete failure. No surprise there, and sorry, I can’t mention it by name.

But I did learn that being original is important. You can study what others have done well. You can do the research. You can actually see if there is a real consumer need. Yet in this case, none of this was done. Amazing how some big corporations can invest in a stupid, plagiarized idea, and let it be developed and marketed by the strength of one individual (albeit, a misguided one in this case), and not take the time to really do any testing.

Well, I sensed it was doomed, but our job wasn’t to judge. They didn’t want to hear anything negative about this product. We just had to create the advertising and try to market a product that was obviously going to be a failure. We did fight it, but it was useless after the millions had been spent to develop the product.

Never copy an idea. See what is out there and try to make it better, or better yet, be original. Don’t spend OPM (other people’s money), if you wouldn’t truly invest your own money in that idea. That is the one single thing that will make you most valuable in your job.

Try and be original. It isn’t really that hard. You just have to take the time to think, research, plan and of course, bounce your ideas off of those you trust, and then react, develop, create.

If you work for a major corporation or even a minor one, first review your idea and believe in it as though you were investing your life savings in it. If you go through that process first, you truly will be successful.

At least that is my opinion. Would love your thoughts on this one…

Sad Story

As sometimes happens, my blogs have just a thin strand of hair relating them to advertising. As does this one. This is a lesson. But don’t get bored just yet. Indulge me.

I wrote a book, not promoting it here. It was a work of fiction. Turned out okay - not great, but some people liked it. Very green, and not the kinda "Earth" green, but naïve green. Despite that, it did OK. Was my first experience, and I was determined. Took about a year between writing and editing. After that experience, I was ready to take on a new story.

I was so excited, encouraged. Had the greatest idea, and was completely enthused to write about it. I was in LA at the time, had about a week between meetings and photo shoots for downtime. All alone. Shutters on the Beach in Santa Monica (one of the greatest hotels you can find). I decided to take the week and write. Strict regiment. I had read about how several authors dedicated themselves to their craft, and decided that holed up in an ocean front room in Santa Monica could be the perfect place to write. Well, Baywatch did take place on that beach, but won’t go there.

So I only had my laptop, and a bunch of time. I worked for a large agency and bills weren’t an issue. Room service, ocean in front of me, feet propped up on my balcony. Writing.

I thought I had a really good idea. I devoted myself to it. Got up at 5:00AM each morning, wrote till noon. Took a break and walked down the boardwalk to Venice Beach, hung out by the pool at the hotel for an hour, then back to work.

Although I do have several friends in LA, I decided this was time to focus. No playtime at night. Casual dinner around the pool or one of the nearby restaurants, but then right back to writing. I had a goal of a certain amount of words per day. And unlike my first book, I decided to edit each chapter so in the end, it would be a little cleaner for my final editor.

It was a great experience. Ideas were flowing, I charted out the entire plot. Completely dedicated and I do admit, a little obsessed. Every day, writing became my self imposed job. I loved it. Nothing mattered (other than the gorgeous view of the ocean which I took advantage of every few minutes or so). I can type and think without looking at the keyboard, which removes you in a trancelike state. Staring at the ocean and writing – it doesn’t get much better than that. It was Heaven on Earth for me.

By the time I was at LAX, waiting for my flight back to NY, I had a natural high. About 1/3 of the book was done, and I really liked it. I was proud that I found it in myself to channel the discipline to focus and write for a week straight.

I was ready to go back to NY, wake up every day again at 5:00AM and write for 3 hours before work. The ideas were there, bombarding my mind, like a drug. Even charged up the laptop so I could write on the plane.

I am in the security line, self-assured and living the book in my own mind. Disconnected from real life, I dropped my laptop. Macs are pretty tough, and I thought nothing of it. I got on the plane and there it was, the famous Mac '?" that told me the drive was damaged. I hadn’t backed it up. My Mac had never failed me before.

Yet there it was. Damaged. And I knew what that meant. Depression set in. I couldn’t even remember how I had crafted the story, I was distraught, couldn’t sleep on the plane.

Those of you in NYC know Tekserve is the place to go. After getting off the plane, I went straight there, luggage in tow. I needed my story. About a week later I found out that data recovery wasn’t an option. I was crushed. I devoted so much time and energy, could see in my mind how the book would play out.

But it was lost. Gone forever. I just didn’t have the heart to even try and rewrite it. It had been a monumental week for me, writing about 12 hours a day. And it was gone. Gone. Lost. Destroyed.

And no, I didn’t back it up.

I wanted to cry, but being a man, that wouldn’t be right, right? So I slammed the Tekserve person’s head against the glass (well, not really). But I was just angry. Hated myself for it. Couldn’t find it inside to start again. It was lost forever.

To tie this into my advertising blog, I can only say, BACK UP EVERYTHING. Now I have Time Machine on the Mac, so that works. But if you have an idea and you work at it, feel that you tapped into your own creative genius - back it up.

And don’t feel sorry for me, there are plenty of ideas to write about, but just take this simple advice, back up your hard drive every single day!

That is ad guy’s advice to you on this random Saturday.

A Horse is a Horse of Course, of Course

The old saying, ‘You can’t beat (or flog) a dead horse’ is credited to an 1867 British Politician, namely John Bright. It mostly translates to a hopeless issue, and is still with us almost 150 years later. Not my main point, but interesting how certain phrases just live on.

My point today is, the blandness of Holiday retail advertising. I mean, come on, how is it that every year, every store has a 50% off sale at Christmas? Of course  the marketing strategy is clear, and I realize most Holidays bring some sort of sale, but look around, hard to find a store that isn’t advertising 50% off at least something in December.

So my question is, are we all that stupid? As consumers, aren’t they just ‘beating the dead horse’ every year? (Which is far more acceptable than beating a live horse).

You could think about this in a few ways. One would be, shouldn’t I just wait until December to buy everything, because it is gonna be half what I would pay any other time of year? Another way would be to consider the fact that the stores are actually losing money and need your business that desperately.

Of course both lines of thinking are incorrect. It is just simply a way to get you into a particular store. That’s it. Not complicated, not based on inventory or special deals from their supply chain. Simply get you into the store. Not to say you might not find a good deal here or there, but that is the strategy.

I am just a little bored with it. I mean, can’t we get a little more creative? Maybe Santa crashes and a bunch of stray Squinkies ended up in the parking lot? And yes, Squinkies are one of the hot toys this year. Or maybe Your Presence is Needed for our Presents? Foreign Dissatisfied Elf Faction Sweat Shop creates incredible supply? I don’t know, just anything different? Maybe add a little creativity to the equation instead of a bold font and 50% OFF!

I would love to see that. It would truly be a horse of a different color.

Old People Aren’t Stupid or Old

I guess it has been said that wisdom comes with age. Unfortunately, that wisdom doesn’t translate to the BDAs of today. Over my Holiday weekend, I had the opportunity to just sit back, relax, and of course, watch TV. Without my DVR, this meant watching the traditional TV spots. Good for me to take a step back and have no control over my next moment’s destiny. I had to watch.

And damn, the ones that stood out are so insulting to the AARP group (which my mother is in). I mean, come on. Just because you are over 60 doesn’t mean you are stupid and will buy…well anything. I watched so many ads targeted at this age group that just don’t speak to this demographic.

You actually don’t get dumber with age (OK, technically, some of you do. Hopefully not the ones reading this - if so, click away now!). You actually have more life experience with age, right?

You probably understand what the ad is saying, even though you might not be able to work the remote with lightning-fast finger agility. You might not understand how your old dial up phone turned into a cable connection that lets you talk to, and find old friends. You don’t get that. But you aren’t stupid.

This age group doesn’t have to understand the technology. Take a look at history.  Do you think when Tesla lit up Chicago in 1893 people understood alternating current? Well, no, they didn’t. It hadn’t even been an idea. Revolutionized everything, but we take all that for granted when we flip the switch. But the crowd didn’t question it. It worked. Didn’t matter if you were 3 year’s old or 80 year’s old - when those lights lit up in Chicago, that must have been magical. Wish I could have been there.

That magic never dies. Don’t underestimate the power of a shift in technology and the understanding of how it may change your life, forever. This is the Internet. It is simply a technologically advanced medium. It’s only the start of something bigger, better.

But please remember, don’t insult the older people who may know so much more about what you are trying to sell and tell them. Focus more on the fact that they might just be a little bit ahead of what you are thinking.

Happy Thanksgiving

Hi All -

Sorry for the lack of posts the last few days, my Holiday connection is less than adequate. I will return soon with happy comments about something, or unhappy ones too, if that makes you happier!

Safe travels and all that!

Groupon Does it Right

Before getting started, I want to make it clear that I have no relationship to this site in any way. Stumbled upon it and have been a member for about four months. I must say, they got it right. There is no compensation in any way for this plug. When I see something done well, I like to give credit where credit is due.

A little about the Groupon site.

It provides one or two incredible offers each day. Not overdone. Just one email a day. Not only are the offers and coupons extremely valuable, the writing is edgy, fun and very creative. They have offers in most major DMAs, but not completely covering the entire country just yet. Definitely on the right track. Not sure how they accomplished it, but they have created a model that works. There are some copycat sites, but Groupon is by far superior.

The deals are incredible, and very diversified. Give it a shot, especially if you live in NYC. Won’t believe the deals you get!

Just my thought for the day. Trust me, it will save you some cash on some great things.

And, what happened to all my book recommendations?

A Little Help From My Friends

Hello everyone, hope you are enjoying your weekend. I’ve got a little issue that I need some help with. And, no not ankle advice. Turned out she is walking around just fine today, a little sore. But unfortunately, I can’t play anymore KISS songs for a while.

 

But here is where I need some help. I am an avid reader. I have my set of favorite authors, as I am sure you all do. But I am fresh out of books to read. I usually pick up a few from the NYT bestseller list to try out new authors, but I am just a sucker for my usual rat pack of writers. Please don’t judge my tastes - some are guilty pleasures. Some are just to sit back and escape into another reality, and some are for the pure craft of writing. They include but are not limited to: 

• Pat Conroy
• Tom Wolfe
• Nelson DeMille
• Lee Child – The Jack Reacher Series is Incredible
• Stephen King
• Carl Hiaasen
• Tom Clancy

The ankle girl likes Twilight and all the Vampire type books, but not my thing.

How does this all relate to advertising? Well many of these authors have had books made into movies, and we know how the movie industry has marketing down to a science. Product placement, which can be incredibly clever, is a whole different topic I will write about one of these days.

As most of us agree, rarely does a movie do justice to the book. If you are a reader, and you have that creative mind, conjuring up the action, images, settings, dialogue exchanges - all in your own little brain adds a dimension that a movie just steals away. A great movie does give you that 90 minutes of pure guilty escape to nowhere-land.

The marketing of books hasn’t changed much over the years. It is an incredibly competitive and cutthroat business, much like all the entertainment arts. As an aside, I am going to give you some insight into the entertainment engine with a friend who will be guest blogging with me in the near future. Look for that, it will be interesting. Especially if you are considering a career change to that field! But I am rambling, as I often do.

So anyway, as you can see, my short list of authors is just that – short. And I agree, not a lot of diversity. I have made an effort over the years to read my way through most of the classics like The Catcher in the Rye, Jane Eyre (had to), Portrait of Dorian Grey, Republic by Plato, 1984, Catch-22, Brave New World, A Clockwork Orange and of course Atlas Shrugged and The Fountainhead – just to name a few. Also loved both The Stand and Swansong. My book library is modestly extensive, and I usually am reading two at a time.

So my friends, some help. I can tell you I don’t like the James Patterson and John Grisham – bang a book-a-month out type writers. That is why Tom Wolfe is up there with my favorites, always conducting diligent research and writing epic type novels.

So what should I read next? What would you recommend to me? I like humor, some action if not overdone, dark humor, drama, nothing romance, and really interesting characters.

So in the spirit of Beatles week, I need a little help from my friends.

Thank you in advance!

Beth by Kiss

Ankle Angst

Ok, first let me say this has nothing to do about marketing or advertising. Although I could tangentially relate it, I won’t. You may not find it amusing, but to me, so ironically funny.

First a little background. I am a piano player, have been since I was a kid. Only for fun, just occasionally professionally. But I do play often, by ear, and with any song that I hear or comes to mind. Hence one plug for the show Glee. Great show.  The last one we saw showcased the KISS classic, “Beth.” I never was a KISS fan, but love sappy love songs (yeah, I do have to admit that here).

Anyway, the rendition the Glee cast did was excellent. I quickly picked it up on the culprit of this escapade, shown below.

I can’t sing. My fiancé can’t sing. We have tried, but we just suck at it. So I asked her to dance. She does yoga regularly and decided to do her own interpretive dance to the song while I was playing.

Started out fun and funny. We did it a few times, each time she got more inventive with her ‘routine.’ In the middle of the second time through, she told me she thought she hurt her ankle. But that didn’t stop either of us. We went on.

Third time through, she announced that her ankle really hurt. So I did show some concern after the chorus. We moved her to the couch. She actually sprained her ankle doing an impromptu yoga routine to “Beth.” Is that not funny?

We are debating going to the ER right now, but she is icing and hoping for the best. I, in my best doctor advice, figured icing and a black sock. That's OK, right?

What could be stranger than someone playing a KISS song on the piano (which is about the only KISS piano based song), and his fiancé dancing around and almost breaking her ankle?

Now that is funny, at least to me. And since it is the weekend, I shouldn’t have to write about advertising, right?

Got any similar stories? Ones you might not want to admit to? Please, get ‘em out!

T-Mobile/AT&T

Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Flattery

Well, I might be wrong about this one, but I just don’t get it. Don’t get it at all. As you know, this blog is mainly about advertising and creativity. And I’m truly at a loss for words, but I will give it my best shot.

T-Mobile has this new spot about the 4G network. It is a rip-off of the famous Mac/PC ads. And why? First, it isn’t funny. Second, they aren’t really making fun of the iPhone (which is arguably the best phone on the market – it’s AT&T that sucks). And third, you have to watch it about five times to figure out what they are trying to say.

And last but not least, why not do something original? Why copy an idea? This isn’t funny or clever, it's just insulting. Here it is…

Just one still from the famous Mac/PC ads.

Why, why, why T-Mobile? My first concern about a PHONE is that I can make a CALL. Apps, videos, games, etc. come in a distant second. I can do everything else on my computer, but when I am trying to make a call, I just want it to go through so I can talk to someone. Very simple desire and I do believe the sole purpose of why the phone was invented. Why not capitalize on the fact that (at least everyone I know) is constantly complaining about AT&T coverage?

If I wanted to do an attack ad like this one attempts, but fails to do, I would have used the multimillion dollar ‘Orange Blanket” AT&T spot. Here for your reference…

And then I would have taken a few stills, maybe one like this with the caption “I just fell off the Hoover Dam and…hello! Damn! Hello! What happened to 97% coverage?" Yeah, right. Damn. "Does the other side of the dam have coverage? Can you spend a little money on a tower? I don't need the orange towels, I need to make a call"

Beatles on iTunes

Thank you Steve Jobs!

I read the news today, oh boy.

After a decade, iTunes is finally selling the Beatles songs. Got to wonder why it took so long. Just because the Beatles had some issues with trademarks and Apple? After all, I do believe they came before Apple was even a thought (aside from Newton). Mr. Jobs was around 11 when the Beatles were starting to reach their peak, right?

I do wonder how much the lawyers made off of all this. Such a ridiculous thing. I mean, how much can Steve Jobs really control the universe? Doesn’t he read marketing reports that demonstrate the people (yeah, the customers Steve) wanted the songs years ago? And of course his quote, “It has been a long and winding road to get here.”

Great line Stevie, too bad Paul wrote it first. What a hack.

And also this gem, “In 1964, the band that changed everything came to America,” Apple said on its website. “Now they’re on iTunes.”

Imagine, being on iTunes is a bigger accomplishment! Damn, the arrogance, it's simply astounding.

I guess when you have so much money, the real issues of the people come second. I think Paul M. has enough money to create something bigger and better than iTunes, but then again, his attitude is probably just to get the music out there for new generations to hear. So buy the music on Amazon, just don't give Stevie the credit for something he kept from you.

So, I am now once again inspired. Many of you asked for another contest. So here goes, prize to be determined by originality.

Take a Beatles song, and bastardize it, social media it, trend it, let it make you cringe… as if you worked at Apple.

Here are some examples to get you started.

1. Yesterday, all my troubles were just a blog away…

2. When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Jobs comes to me...

3. Hey Jobs, Don’t make it bad, take my music, and make more money. Remember, to get it out of your head, animal names, don’t make OS better.

4. Ooh, I need your songs, babe.  Guess you’d know I do. Hope you need more money, so I can just use you.


Enjoy and be as obscure as you’d like to be. So much material to work with. You say you want a revolution, well, you know, Steve can change the world…