Super Bowl Ads: What did you like?

Hi all!

I have returned after a little vacation, just in time to bring you my thoughts on the Super Bowl spots. There are so many reviews of the ads, from the professional to basic public opinion. For what it’s worth, here is my take on what stood out as good and bad.

Many people did like the Audi “Kenny G” ad. I liked this too. I thought it was inventive, interesting and entertaining.

In contrast, I thought the Groupon ad was just insulting and bad. I have read they did it for a good cause, but the message did not come across. Since this is their first shot at advertising, I personally think it failed.

As a close second worst, the chatter.com was just horrible. It was confusing and offered no reason for anyone to visit the site or find out about their business. I would also throw the Eminem Brisk spot in the ‘bad’ category.

I did like both the Chrysler and BMW “Made in America” ads. I thought they had a strong message in both quality and branding.

Two other spots that got little attention, but that I thought were well done, were the Optima and thedaily.com – both had strong brand messages.

As I had commented in an earlier post, I didn’t think the Pepsi Max and Doritos spots were up to Super Bowl caliber. They were popular, and some a product of crowdsourcing, but I think they just served to entertain and not do anything for the brand overall.

I won’t post them here, ‘cause you can see them just about anywhere this week. As always, would love to hear some opinions.

This I Like!

Yesterday I pointed out the really bad. Today, thought I would bring you something I thought was really well done.

Men’s underwear. Hard to be creative, you mostly see crotch shots. You may have seen this ad, if you have I apologize, it has been on the air for about six months now. But you have to give Fruit of the Loom credit for their creativity. Maybe I am just a sucker for a nice piano riff, but I do think this is well executed, screams of brand recognition, and gives life to an otherwise boring product category. And take a look at the microsite – talk about continuity and getting the most out of a great concept.

Now I would say this is an example of a solid, attention-getting campaign. Of course, I guess they could lose the fruit, foam up and fly birds around – but thankfully they seem to have a clear marketing strategy and great creative. They have a few other spots and songs out there, but this one is just precious. Hats off to The Richards Group who created this ad!

Here are the lyrics so you can sing along!

Are you boxers, are you briefs,
Or something in between?
Do you dream in heather gray,
Or a place where trunks are mostly bluish green?
With a waistband softer than the rain.
Well, I don’t care what you want to wear down there
‘Cause I got everything you need.
I won’t leave you bare, in your search for underwear.
From country roads to mansions by the sea.
‘Cause if it ain’t Fruit, you’ll never live… Comfortably.

You’re Stupid

I am switching my focus to print ads today. Sometimes I point out what I think is good, sometimes I point out what I think is bad. This one falls into neither category. This falls into the ‘absurdly horrible’ category.

This is an ad for Old Spice. They have done some strange ads lately, but this one tops them all. Let me make my case for why it is ‘absurdly horrible.’

1. The image is bizarre.
2. The image has no relation to the product.
3. The copy points out zero attributes about what we seek out when buying deodorant or antiperspirant.
4. The copy insults you, telling you that ‘you are insane’ if you don’t think Old Spice is great smelling or that you can’t find this image on their site.
5. The tagline, “Greatest Smell in the NFL” is just bad. I don’t associate scents when I watch a football game. If my mind would even wander there (which it never once has), I wouldn’t think of a “great smell.”

What were they thinking? Let’s pick the weirdest visual we can think of, guy riding a black bird dressed in foam holding product out with lightning coming out of it and godlike silhouette of his face for the background image. The player (godlike silhouette) is staring into the sky, I guess the other god, thanking him with his eyes for such a great product. And the kicker, the last and largest bold line of copy, "YOU ARE INSANE." And what's with the foam? Does this product spray your armpits like "Scrubbing Bubbles?" Don’t you just love ads that insult you, especially those that insult you on an intelligence level – straight out calling you stupid!

Not one product attribute. Well, let me correct myself, it does say it is great-smelling.

I think of deodorant as keeping me dry, and sweat free. If I want to smell good, I use cologne. They paid a lot to get the NFL logo in there, and they used one of the most powerful and expensive sponsorships only to create an ad that simply sucks.

I am not sure where else this was placed, but I saw it in GQ. Now I guess I am just not manly enough to imagine my gentleman self dressed in foam, riding a bird through a lightning storm. If I was, I guess I would be using Old Spice like all gentlemen do?

My takeaway from this ad is that I am just stupid for not using this product or realizing that I might be able to see their ads on their site. I think the insanity lies solely with the creative director that approved this ad. Or, as I sometimes know happens, the misguided client that directed it.

What You Can’t Live Without!

You might not have everything you need, but this is certainly something that is so important, so monumental that you should skip your mortgage or car payment and get this today!

For a mere $130 to $150 bucks (I did the Euro conversion for you), get this, you could get a ring from a company in Amsterdam (no it doesn’t come with your favorite illegal drug) that has your favorite tweet engraved on it! Oh I know you are thinking that it is ridiculous, but hear me out.

You tweet that you just went to the store because you ran out of Vitamin Water. Your tweet is so clever like, “Gotta go get some more Vitamin Water.”

I mean, who would not want to wear that around on their finger? I would buy a few to give to my friends. Or maybe you are a bit political and want, “Global warming sucks. But it is freezing in Maine, where’s my sweater?”

Or perhaps you have a little one and he/she just threw up. You want to tell the world. “Baby just threw up, got some on my laptop. KKKKKEEYS R STTTTIICKKINGGG.”

Maybe you are lovesick. “Jimmy-Joe broke up with my ass, gonna kill him.”

Tweets are so special, who wouldn’t want one to wear one around their finger? And for just a little over a hundred bucks (international shipping and handling not included) you could be one of the first to set the sure-to-be-the-next-trend in jewelry.

Of course, if you are cheap, you could just print your tweet and put it on your inspiration board. But hey, think of the attention you will get when people see your mundane thoughts printed right there on your finger. The wiser of my readers will just give them the finger.

If you want to see the next corporation that will have a 10 billion dollar evaluation…be sure not to look here.

But what do I know? Fred Smith (creator of FedEx) proposed his company for an MBA thesis. He got a C and was told the idea was impossible and made little logistical sense.

I’m thinking wallpaper my living room with pictures of Facebook friends. Although, if they unfriend me, would I have to move? Would the new buyers be required to adopt all my old friends?

Can’t Seem to Find Anything Good Out There

I study and write advertising for a living. My company has a variety of areas we focus in. I am always looking around for advertising that is good and different to show you, something that sets a new bar. Yet, I can’t seem to find anything of merit these days. Maybe it is the economy and the advertisers are being safe? Nobody taking chances to stand out?

If you read my last post, you saw the pathetic Pepsi Max and Doritos ads for the Super Bowl. A friend of mine pointed out these ads for Allstate which I do think are fairly decent for an insurance company. But other than that, I haven’t seen anything on TV or found anything in my searches worth posting. Take a look at these and tell me what you think. And if you have any suggestions for others, would love to hear them.

Anything you think breaks through the clutter and gets your attention. I did get a lot of feedback on the Pantene ad I posted a week ago, that was truly original and moving. But does anyone have any suggestions for me? If not, I will have to rely on my sarcasm and only focus on the stupid ads! In the meantime, you can watch these. Entertaining.

What an Odd (and Stupid) Strategy

The Super Bowl of not just football, but of advertising, is just a few weeks away. And PepsiCo, owner of both Pepsi and Doritos, has adopted a strategy that just doesn’t make sense to me.

You can go to a site and vote on the ad you want to see during the Super Bowl. Think about that. You can watch all the ads or ‘contenders’ online right now, then they will spend over $6 Million (minimum, estimated) so you can watch them again on Super Bowl Sunday.

I’m scratching my head over this one. Of course the only reason for having the site is to drive traffic and have as many people as possible visit that site. So they probably will get millions of people to go and see the ads. Now I ask, what is the point?

Super Bowl estimated viewing is in the 150 million range (U.S.). And as most of us know, depending on the game, placement at strategic times during the game is critical. If it is a blowout, people drop off dramatically during 4th quarter. If it is a close game, 4th quarter is the absolute best time slot.

Now as a media buyer, you have to make the choice before the game, kinda like betting Las Vegas style.

But as a consumer, if I have already watched the 10 spots on this site, they will have absolutely no impact on me during the estimated $3 million dollar buy that takes up :30 of my life. Unless of course, you are such a loser that your life is based around going to this site, voting and having the satisfaction of seeing the spot you voted for, aired. Now that puts you into a pretty pathetic category. It would qualify you for America’s biggest loser.

So why make all these spots (production costs for TV spots are enormous), only to air a few? This is their idea of a great promotional tactic? Why not say, have a simple sweepstakes and give 5 people a million each. It would be cheaper in the long run, and have more impact. Or say, give a 12 pack away free to a bunch of people, by my math, they could give away 5 million of them for what they are spending on this effort.

Now answer me this, what would be more impactful for you to purchase Pepsi Max in the future? A juvenile bathroom humor Super Bowl spot you see at a Super Bowl party where you might just catch part of the spot (could be your bathroom or beer break), or free 12 pack?

And in reality, it isn’t the Pepsi’s of the world where we see memorable, permanent branding spots. They usually come from the companies that are trying to break through, and they usually take some chances. Quick, other than the Cindy Crawford spot, think of one Pepsi or Doritos spot that you remember from a Super Bowl. Yeah, as I suspected, probably not a one.

After watching the new spots, not one of them even made me smile. They are so ordinary, so formulaic, so bland, so just…boring.

Some advice to PepsiCo. Take the money and lower your product cost. Or just give away thousands and thousands of little rewards to a multitude of consumers throughout the year.

But that isn’t going to happen. This is all ego driven. Nice box seats for the CEO and few key buyers. I reluctantly give you the website where you can vote. Tell me if you agree.

Here it is, or as I call it, as lame as you possibly could get.

What marketing genius is behind this colossal waste of money? These could easy be put in the record book as some of the worst spots created. Really sad, disappointing and painful to watch.

Celebrity Scents – Sweet Jewd

It has been said that “Our greatest weakness can be turned into our biggest strength.” Which got me thinking about the plethora of celebrities coming out with new lines of perfumes, colognes, and apparel.

We know both Mel Gibson and Jude Law have some anger issues. So what if they teamed up to create a new cologne, you know, for that studly, kinda sweet but angry guy demographic. Jude Law threw oranges at college girls, Mel threw a bunch of racial and radical comments, and, allegedly a few punches. So why not pack that power in to one new wallop.

Their cologne could be called - Sweet Jewd – that orangey scent that drives women mad.

And if that was successful, their clothing line could be – Orangies – yoga wear with a built in microchip that randomly spurts out things like, “You’re so fat. You’re so ugly. Stop looking at me, look at your nasty self. You’re just a f#%ing ________.” You know, as an incentive for self-improvement.

It could solve both of their PR problems and make them some cash in the meantime – I don’t think anyone will be rushing to the theatres to see either of them very soon.

What's Next?

With the inevitable death of MySpace (laying off 50% of the company), Facebook trying to be all things to all people (we know how that works out), the complete confusion of what Twitter is (unless it’s just me), Jaiku?, Foursquare?, and a host of other ‘social’ outlet wannabes, what’s next? Remember AOL and chat rooms?

We do have Augmented Reality (AR), which is really cool and being applied in special cases around the world. If you haven’t seen it, you should. Total Immersion is a pioneering company in the technology. It’s not really social media, but could have some nice apps associated with it.

But when you break it all down, isn’t it all really about two simple things? Getting/keeping in touch with other humans. Obtaining information.

Google really started the whole ball rolling, putting most of the information in the world at our fingertips. Then of course came the ‘smart phone.’

And now as we all jumped into this new tech world, our own security and identity has become sort of an open book. I saw a story where they reported that in another ten years the big thing will be people changing their names and identities, because the youth of today has naively opened their lives up to the world.

So again I ask, what’s next? What is the 2011 headline grabber? Wikileaks certainly became a household word almost overnight in 2010. Facebook is strong and still on the radar, for now. The Kindle and iPad have opened up new worlds for us.

I don’t really know what it will be, but I know what I would like to see.

I would like holographic TV integrated with social media. I mean, I don’t want to get up and get dressed and go to a party. I want all my friends and ‘followers’ to be in the same room with me virtually, just partying. I wouldn’t have to leave my couch. Imagine holographs of your friends and even the creepy people that follow you sitting around your house, doing all those things you do at a bar, party, etc.

I could have my holograph Mom come over and sit next to me watching ‘Dancing with the Stars’ (and I could mute her commentary), play Wii Tennis with three people I don’t know, have a jam session with U2, have Joe Rogan and Eddie Izzard telling me jokes, get totally drunk, and before passing out, just click them all out of the room. All in one night.

Of course my AHMAS (Automated Holographic Memory Archive System) would record the whole thing for later entertainment and my BITCH (Beauty Intensified Tweaking Callous-removing Hydroxylation) System would make me look flawless, muscle-bound and godlike in appearance throughout.

Can someone come up with that technology for me? I would pay $9.99/mo for it!

It’s Hard to Be Different

In advertising, as I’ve said before, it is really hard to create something that shines, no pun intended here. You don’t have to slap your logo all over the place, you don’t have to be outrageous, you don’t have to do a lot of things, but there is one thing that works, one thing you have to do.

And that one thing is to capture the heart, emotion and attention of your consumer. If you can accomplish that, you will have created a great ad. A memorable ad. An ad that will live well beyond its playtime and will link you in a magical way with your customer. This is one of the best examples that I have seen doing just that.

Are the Fast Food Restaurants Responsible for Our Obesity?

This time of year, the ‘resolution time,’ we are inundated with weight loss ads. I don’t know the exact dollars spent, but I assume about 25% of the ads we see in January are about weight loss. (Another big chunk in spring, ‘bikini season’). That is just based on my experience, I don’t have the numbers to back it up. I did do my own research based on prime time shows and that is how I came up with the 1 in 4 formula.

Fast Food restaurants get the blame for our obesity, always. Seducing us with tantalizing food shots and TV spots that advertise incredible deals that are impossible to pass up.

But what is the real truth? An excellent show, Penn and Teller’s: Bullshit, did an episode on this topic (entitled, "Fast Food").

Most fanatics love to blame it on genetics, or some other less scientific excuses. But really, what we put in our bodies, that is totally our choice, right? Do we actually believe that a number 10 special, big size meal (take your choice of Fast Food restaurants here) are actually low fat, healthy and harmless to our bodies? According to Penn and Teller’s show, we aren’t that stupid. We know what we are doing. And I couldn’t agree more. The show is on Showtime, see if you can find the episode on Fast Food.

Is there anyone out there (with an IQ above 75) that believes a plate of broccoli, beans, a lean fish – is actually worse for you than anything we can get at a fast food drive through? And don’t be fooled by the salad phenomenon, most of us smother it with fattening dressing and think we are doing right by our bodies. And it is also a myth that healthy food is tasteless, you just have to know what you are doing, hundreds of books on the subject to read.

Likewise, if I put before you a plate of fresh cut veggies – red peppers, celery, carrots, green beans, broccoli, cauliflower, some spinach leaves – next to a plate with a bacon cheeseburger, fries and a chocolate shake – could you possibly be fooled into thinking the first plate is worse for you? I would hope not.

Diets don’t work. Permanent life food changes do work. And you don’t have to be extreme about it and become a tree hugger, eat fruit and nuts for a living. You just have to make smarter choices. Still give the small, excessive food indulgences to yourself once or twice a week. You don’t have to feel guilty about that. You don't have to go crazy.

So my message here is don’t fall for the lose 600lbs in three days ads that entice you into thinking someone has found a miracle cure for weight loss. The miracle cure is you – and what food decisions you make each day. I’m not saying to pass up the occasional trip to a delicious fried chicken dinner at KFC or that utterly fulfilling Taco Bell Salad w/Salsa (that packs a whopping 850 calories and 52 grams of fat). Just don’t make it a habit.

Try this tip. Start slow. Replace one meal (you can switch it up every day) with a much healthier choice. You will find over time, you feel better, you look better and most likely, your health will improve greatly. Then up it to two meals a day. Give it a shot for a month. Will cost you less in the long run (simple out of pocket costs) and it will make you much more conscious of your food choices. Eventually when you do feel better, you might just try to make it all three meals.

And in the wisdom of The Who, “Don’t Get Fooled Again.”

Some excellent information on obesity can be read about here.

And for the record (from the site listed above)…

Some rare illnesses can cause obesity. These include hypothyroidism, Cushing's syndrome, depression, and certain neurologic problems that can lead to overeating. Certain drugs, such as steroids and some antidepressants, may cause excessive weight gain. A doctor can determine if a patient has any of these conditions, which are believed to be responsible for only about 1 percent of all cases of obesity. 

And yes, that said 1%.

And as to my disclaimer, I am not a doctor. This is simply advice to not be fooled by guaranteed weight loss programs or mouth-watering food imagery (that never looks like the food product that ends up in the bag). And also, as we all know, we don't need that fancy new ab machine that is going to transform our body in 30 days or less, but we do need to exercise every day.

Where Sayings Come From and What They Really Mean

There are several books out there and a few websites that note where some of the famous phrases we often use come from. Phrase Finder is an excellent online resource. As referenced there, 78 common phrases come from the bible. Some of my favorites that still live on today are (with my commentary) as follows. Excuse my blasphemy.

And since this is an advertising related blog, what better then to reference slogans that have stood the test of time.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush

A ‘bird,’ an old and still used word for a female in England. I think the male population of England would vehemently disagree with this saying because two in the bush is always better.

A house divided against itself cannot stand

I kinda get it in a conceptual way, but it is pretty hard to divide a house. Unless it is a doublewide or a duplex.

A labour of love

I don’t think the Lenin or Marxists Russians would agree with this one!

A man after his own heart

Sounds like a huge malpractice suit to me.

A multitude of sins

This sounds like a contradiction meant to provide fear. Since in Catholicism, you have the Absolution of Sin under many circumstances, I think we are all free of the multitude referred to here. And after all, we all have a multitude of sins under even the most liberal of rules.

A nest of vipers

Great name for a band. If you use it, I will need some royalties.

A wolf in sheep's clothing

I remember a cartoon like this, wasn’t it Foghorn Leghorn who changed from a sheep to a wolf at time card punch-out time? Memory a little foggy here, so help me out on the cartoon issue. And wouldn't a wolf be a little too warm in wool?

All things must pass

Well, of course they do, unless you believe in the Theory of Relativity and time travel. So all thing do pass, according to the simple principles of science. But the church never liked science back then.

All things to all men

Hey, what about the women?

Am I my brother's keeper?

Sounds a little too incestuous for me.

An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth

Love it. Complete contradiction of the Church’s teachings!

As old as Methuselah

Not sure about this one. The average life expectancy in biblical times was around 30. Christian Mortensen, is listed to have lived the longest till the ripe old age of 115 according to my research. Or was that Al Roker telling me it was Wilma from Tulsa? I guess these don’t have the same ominous sound as Methuselah, so let’s keep this one.

As old as the hills

Unless the hill is man made, technically impossible.

As you sow so shall you reap

Depends totally on the weather each year.

Ashes to ashes dust to dust Unofficial meaning: We come from dust, we return to dust.

We came from our mother’s wombs. I believe not many of them were filled with ashes or dust.

Bite the dust

Let’s give Freddy Mercury credit for this one.

Born again

Damn, I wish.

By the skin of your teeth

Think this should have been enamel.

Can a leopard change its spots?

Yes, if he gets vitiligo.

Cast the first stone

Sounds a tad violent to me.

Don't cast your pearls before swine

Why would you want to? And when are you dressed up in pearls and at a pig farm?

Eat drink and be merry

Gotta love those drinkers in the Bible. I mean, turning water to wine, my kinda God. Also sounds a little Roman Empire like, and after a few years, that didn’t work out so well.

Faith will move mountains

Technically impossible. Hasn’t been one example of telekinesis in history.

Fall from grace

Sounds like a bad night in the backseat of a Pontiac, and poor Grace.

Fight the good fight

Insightful. Yeah, much better than fighting a bad one.

 
Get thee behind me Satan

Extremely confused by this one. Is he your running back? Someone you want to watch your back? Or if you are lined up at school and your name is Sam, shouldn't Satan be behind you?

In the beginning was the word

I actually think there was less talking and much more caveman clubbing at the time.

It's better to give than to receive

Yeah, if you’re stupid.

Man does not live by bread alone

Of course not, that is why we have McDonalds.

My cup runneth over

Use a friggin coaster stupid.

No rest for the wicked

Not fair. Equal treatment under the law. Rest for everyone! And wouldn’t we want them rested so they weren’t wicked 24/7?

The apple of his eye

Well Adam, you kinda screwed up there for everyone. Why weren’t you looking at the naked girl instead of the stupid fruit?

The fruits of your loins

If you have any sort of something fruitlike growing down there, get thee to a doctor!

The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak

Actually, spirit is ambiguous at best. Flesh doesn’t think, our minds do. I think this needs a little copywork.

The writing is on the wall

Because they had no paper!

Shakespeare – Has a library of his own. Will address this one in a future blog. But as a teaser, my favorite…

 

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.

Shakespeare’s Meaning: Life is like a play - we merely go through the stages of our life acting it out.

Mine: If we never passed the age of 6, we would still be performing in front of any audience we could find.

 

 

Some Random Ones …

Crème brûlée - literally means 'Burnt cream' - baked custard with a caramelized crust

 I don’t think I would order Burnt cream.

Laissez-faire - The principle that government should not interfere with the action of individuals. Also, more generally, a policy of indulgence towards the actions of others. Literally, 'let (people) do (as they think best)'.

I know it’s French, but many people think and interpret this one incorrectly as ‘lazy-people.’

Every Rose has its Thorn

No it wasn’t Poison that coined this phrase. Some contribute it to Shakespeare, who we all plagiarize at some point, knowingly or unknowingly. And every cowboy doesn’t sing the same sad song, albeit, many sound very similar.

And finally, my challenge to you: Who said…

“The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me.”


And my quote for the day, "If I was dumber, how would I know?"


Smile. The Ad Guy

He’s Got Balls and Money

Well, money is an understatement. And most likely you wouldn’t know his name. He is Ira Rennert, builder and owner of the largest house in America. It is in Sagaponack,  an exclusive area of the famed Hamptons.

Inside its 66,000-square-foot main house there are reported to be 29 bedrooms, 30 bathrooms and his garage would accommodate more than a 100 cars–and still somehow, he managed to get a construction permit as a single-family home. The people in the neighborhood with an average home value of a mere 3 - 5 Mil aren't too happy with what they consider an eyesore.

The house has a dozen chimneys as well as a 91-foot long formal dining room, a basketball court, two bowling alleys (yes two!), two tennis courts, two squash courts, and a $150,000 hot tub. Its property taxes in 2007 were $397,559.00. Based on these taxes, the home is valued at a $190 million, making it the most valuable home in the Hamptons, and among the most valuable in the United States.

You can read about the controversial house here.

To his credit, he has given some of his small fortune away. My reason for mentioning him here is that in order to make that much money, you have to make some smart business decisions and do some really great advertising.

But my real question is, TWO bowling alleys? One note here, there is a perfectly good bowling alley in East Hampton about a mile away from his house. But then again, who wants to bowl with the common folk?

Ironically, I totally understand the situation. First you have to remember which of the 29 bedrooms is yours, could take some time. After all, you do have to find your bowling shirt and shoes. Then if you did want to venture out to the local alley, you have 100 cars to choose from. That is a really hard choice.

Then, you have to decide WHICH alley on your compound to bowl in. What if you like the one in the west wing better, but your bedroom is on the other side of the 66,000 square foot house? Or maybe in one of the outbuildings as you can see from the picture. That could mean finding a jacket (in winter) and also maybe carrying your balls.

I totally understand Michael Jordan having a basketball court, but this man is in his late 70s and yet he needs two bowling alleys? And how often does he get to play? I mean, I worry about my cable bills, he worries about his ball cleaner.

Ok, maybe I’m a little jealous. I just get to bowl using my Wii.

Keeping My Little Area

Since I have the flu today, just read the right.

My Continued Love for AT&T

After the orange multi-million blanket ad fiasco for AT&T, we now are forced to watch little orange people traveling around. Orange paper people, holding hands, how cute and meaningful. Nothing about the phones, just about their supposed coverage. Maybe in some parts of this country, your service works fine. Here in New York, it just plain sucks. And little orange people walking around? Come on!

And their claim to fame is their 97% coverage. I would love to invite them to my home or office and see first hand how much they suck. I live on a top floor of an apartment building. In order to make a call, I have to stick my head out the kitchen window to get a signal. The only place in my apartment where I get a semi-signal and the 50% call drop issue. I guess I just happened to choose the 3% area they don’t reach.And being on a top floor should be an advantage, right?

Don’t want to get all math on you but indulge me a moment.

There are 54,475 square miles in New York State (estimated a total of 3,537,441 square miles in the U.S.) A mere 22.7 in Manhattan. Three percent of that total in Manhattan is about a half mile.

So I am just horrible at choosing working and living places. These numbers mean that there are only 2,640 square feet on the entire island of Manhattan that AT&T claims not to cover. My apartment is about 1,400 square feet. My office about 10,000 square feet, a total of 11,400. So in theory, at 97% coverage (11,058 square feet should be covered, leaving a mere 342 feet that my phone should not work perfectly here in NYC. Do the apartment math, there is only 1 square foot where it works there.

So I think some of those number counters should stop feeding the advertising people these blatantly false advertising claims, and stop treating us like idiots. This is one company that needs some real clean up. And put money into the towers, not the advertising. Not impressive, just insulting.

My Ten New Year’s Resolutions

We all must have them, right? So here are mine.

1.    Show more love to my family and loved ones.

2.    Write something more interesting every day for you to read. I admit, some have been lame. I try to make you laugh, that is my ultimate goal.

3.    Make you laugh harder.

4.    Make you tell everyone about my blog so I blow away my own stats. (Um, not sure that is really a resolution for me, if you don’t see it that way, then take it on as your own - make it number one on your list).

5.    Make sure number 4 happens.

6.    Drive faster. Haven’t gotten a ticket in years, so I am doing something wrong. Don’t worry, I have a really fast car, I am a safe driver, and never drive during rush hour. In deference to this resolution, I agree to lesson my road rage for idiotic drivers from a 10 to a 9.

7.    Say, “I love you” to people I don’t know. Since my numbers of you faithful followers far exceed the 365 days in a year, I just fulfilled this one. I love all of you for your support in reading my rantings. So there. Done.

8.    Make you laugh so hard you cry (in a good way).

9.    Do something really silly and stupid every day.

10. Do the above 9 resolutions.

Feel free to share your resolutions here. Once you write ‘em down, you are committed.

New Year

The New Year

The most clever of you will notice the missing of the word Happy. Last year wasn’t the greatest one in history. So my wishes to you are, Hope This Year is Better.

Maybe we should all take this on as our advertising slogan. The Happy New Year thing isn’t working, at least the last few years.

So cheers to something better!